After a Hurricane Comes a Rainbow

"We are the music makers,

And we are the dreamers of dreams,

Wandering by lone sea-breakers,

And sitting by desolate streams;—

World-losers and world-forsakers,

On whom the pale moon gleams:

Yet we are the movers and shakers

Of the world for ever, it seems."

-O'Shaughnessy

The above Ode was my brother Michael's favorite quote. A Music Maker indeed... You will find it in two important places that are connected to him. The first can be found in his high-school year book as he chose it for his senior quote, the second was actually my doing, when painfully having to decide what would forever be engraved on his headstone... Michael tragically left us on the morning of July 25th. My life from that moment would forever be changed. 

On July 25th, I normally do write about him. It has become such a therapeutic tool for me. And I believe for anyone who knew him as well. But today, I want to write about something a little different. I want to share about the miracle(s). 

My brother... A talented musician, devoted and true friend, over-protective brother, avid snowboarder, photographer, evolved thinker. He was always seeking out a new journey and had a love for adventure, which ultimately would be at hand in his final hours. I used to blame him in my head. Screaming thoughts at him, never fully understanding why he had to go exploring that night, why did he have to be so dam curious. Through-out the years, I slowly became the exact opposite of everything he was. I hated traveling, new experiences gave me anxiety, taking risks (no way). I was stuck in my fear that if I went to far left or to far right, it could cost me my life. So I just coasted through each day, always playing it safe. Yes, yes I missed out on so much, but I was alive wasn't I?  Maybe in the physical sense, yes I was, but in the spiritual sense, I was dead. At this point, I had zero faith and was just going through each day the best I knew how.

I believe when one experiences such a tragic loss, you have two choices. You can live in the past or you can live in the moment. During the grieving process you may actually bounce back and forth, going from the past to the present, the present to the past. The past, for me, meant a different life, one where my brother still existed. The past is a place where I could mentally retreat to and relive memories of growing up, living and learning from him. But... the past is also a place where the darkness existed, never fully feeling a love but just a painful glimpse of what used to be. I knew living in the past was a place I couldn't stay in forever, it was causing me more pain than good. 

So, about those miracles... I like to look at them as little gifts from my brother. Gifts that keep coming, they are endless, they are everywhere, they are available to me anytime I need one. Want to know the secret to experiencing miracles in your life? Simply, by living in the present. When you move on from the past and are not fore-casting into the future, then you are fully in the present. In the present is where all the goodness exists. In the present, you are protected and guided. You have everything you need, right in that very moment. This is where you will start to see the miracles in your life. You do not need to have experienced a tragic loss or some other life altering event to see the miracles all around you. You only need to be present to receive YOUR present. 

Miracles come in the form of divine intervention, perfect timing, luck being on your side, coincidence, right place-right time, the stars aligning, or karmic energy. Which ever phrase works for you, all of them can be summed up with one word, Miracle. They are the little or huge events that take place in your life, that have you looking up and saying, "Thank-you". They are the friend that calls you exactly at the right moment. They are the diversion in your day that has you cursing but ultimately puts you in a safer place. They are the job you really really wanted but didn't get to only get a call with a better opportunity. They are the person in front of you that pays for your coffee. They are the rescue dog that was supposed to be temporary but now completes your home. They are the sun that shines through the rain on your wedding day. They are the kisses your child gives you when you don't want to be bothered. They are the smile a stranger shares while holding the door open when your hands are full. They are the flowers that grow the tallest even in the darkest part of the garden. They are the lessons we learn from those who do not even know they are teaching.

I used to think that if I let go of the past it meant letting go of my brother. How could I still feel connected to someone who indeed was not present in the present? So, I took small steps, each day telling myself, "Malissa, it's ok to let go of the past." I needed to give myself permission. I needed to trust that letting go did not equate into letting him go. With each passing day that I would tell myself it was ok, I could start to actually feel his presence in my present. Could it be that my connection to my brother was actually getting stronger in the present than in the past. YES! This was my gift, my motivation! Now instead of giving myself permission to leave the past in the past, I now remind myself to live in the now, live for today, live for the present. Do I still miss him? Do I cry for him? Of course I do. Instead now, I am  able to enjoy the gifts that remind me of him and enjoy the beautiful rainbow that has finally emerged after my storm. 

If you are missing someone today, I wish you the strength to seek the present and experience these little miracles that can fill your heart more than the past ever will. And if your not ready to see them today, no worries, they will be waiting for you tomorrow. 

Love Never Fades, It Just Changes Forms

Love Never Fades, It Just Changes Forms

These are my own opinions and experiences. Any thoughts and or idea's posted in this journal are not meant to self-diagnosis or used in place of medical attention. If you or someone you know is grieving or suffering a loss, please find the appropriate help within your community. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Writing the Fears Away

In my last journal entry I shared my first non-negotiable in life, which was my daily meditation practice. Meditating is one of the two things that help me deal with daily anxiety and fear. If you would like to read more you can find it here

Today I wanted to share with you my second daily non-negotiable that is done in correlation with my meditation practice in order to keep me feeling calm and balanced. Unlike my meditation practice, which is done first thing in the morning, writing can happen at any point in the day. This is a more organic and natural process versus one that is regimented. I keep a notebook in almost every room in my house, so when the spark hits, I can just grab the closest one, find a comfy spot and share my thoughts with the paper. I am going to explain below what my daily journaling looks like, however you can create something that is better suited for you if you find my technique not matching your style. 

I always start by choosing my top 10 things I am grateful for, whether that be my home, health or relationships, etc. I choose each one carefully, write it down and then connect the feeling of gratitude for each one in my heart. This is not a list that I steam roll through, this is more of an exercise in reminding myself to not just say "I am grateful for X" but to actually connect the feeling of gratitude for each one. Once I have my daily top 10 and walked through the feelings for each one, I re-read the list and out-loud thank God/Source/Universe for each one. 

  • Write It
  • Feel It
  • Say It

Next, I will write about whatever is pressing on my mind in that moment. This could be business related, relationship issue's, financial worries or health. (My topics vary from day to day) This week in particular I have been feeling stuck, not really progressing or regressing but just sitting still. I wanted to explore more on why I was feeling this way. When I feel the need to get deep into a feeling I will normally meditate on it and then write about it. I have been taking mental note on all the self-defeating stories my ego has been telling myself lately.  I write down why these self-defeating thoughts are simply old stories that no longer serve a purpose in my present day. As humans we tend to carry our stories with us even though they are from our past and no longer serve us well today. Maybe its because we feel our past pains are like a badge of honor. They show someone how much we have endured and experienced. But, in order to leave them where they belong (in the past) we need to greet with them lovingly, let them surface and then be willing to part ways, knowing very well you will not benefit from them today, tomorrow or next week. 

When I started to write down all those self-defeating stories I was telling myself, there was a common thread among them. It was the notion that I did not deserve the success I was working very hard and diligently towards. Even though I was putting in the 10 hour days, giving my all to every client, working smart in order to avoid creative burn-out and having a steady calendar of work in front of me, I was still telling myself old stories from the past that I did not deserve success. Even if I kept at it longer, harder, smarter, as long as I was believing that I did not enjoy the fruits of my labor, it would never come. Hence, leave me feeling stuck, not progressing not regressing, just standing still. 

Photo by Love and Light Photographs

Photo by Love and Light Photographs

In the past there was a time where I did believe this, but that was no longer truthful and real for me today. See, even though I can say, "No I do not believe this story to be my truth anymore"  I needed to make peace with it, thank it and release it. I need to believe and remind myself this is no longer the story I want to live out. Instead, it would stay with me, waiting for me to eventually believe it again. And this is exactly why I have my two non-negotiable's in life. I have come to trust that the action of meditating and writing are just as important to my mind as healthy food is to my body. It has become so ingrained into my daily routine that I now look forward to completing each one as I would my favorite glass of Cabernet after a long day. 

Now, how does any of this relate to business? Gifting? Being a creative? Because when my mind and thoughts are not aligned with my purest intent, then I am no longer living to my truest capabilities. How can I possibly offer my very best if I am not thinking my very best, feeling my very best, acting my best? Simply put, they walk hand in hand. My business is a direct reflection of my heart. My heart is a direct reflection of my thoughts. And I work everyday to create thoughts that are aligned with all of the above. Full circle, one working off the other. 

Photo by Love and Light Photographs

Photo by Love and Light Photographs

As apprehensive as I was to share these extremely personal self-care practices, I felt that if one person could benefit from my openness, then that would trump any insecurities I may feel. I'm not embarrassed of where I am, I am so proud of how far I have come. I plan on sharing more often with the hopes that it speaks to your heart. Take what you need, file what may be needed and disregard the rest. 

If you are interested in starting a meditation practice, I recommend checking out The Chopra Center where you will find free guided meditations as well as the 21 Day Meditation Experience. And if you are interested in starting a journal routine, well just pick a pen, and write one word at a time. Glory comes from the willingness to begin. 

 

Photo courtesy from #dreamcreatedo

Photo courtesy from #dreamcreatedo

The intent of this journal or other information provided is not meant for self-diagnosis or use in place of medical advice, but to share my personal journey dealing with various mental health topics. If you or someone you know may be struggling with mental health issues, please seek support from the appropriate professionals within your community. 

My Non-Negotiable's in Life

When I finally decided to add this journal to my site, I originally had plans of sharing everything about gifting, where to buy the best supplies, and lot's of other fun tips on how to design fabulous gifts that will keep them talking (In a good way!). And while I still plan on sharing those topics, right now I am truly being pulled in a different direction that has me wanting to keep it more real with you guys. I love when I can make a connection with my audience and I am seeing a trend that when I am honest and open, the deeper that connection becomes. I want to use this space to not just write and share about the gorgeousness behind gifting but also about real life topics. 

I woke up today wanted to share with you my two non-negotiable's in life. These are the things that I vow to not negotiate my way out of with excuses. It is what keeps me feeling centered and honestly helps reduce my feelings of day to day anxiety and nervousness. When I am centered and focused on my well-being than I am able to offer my best to not only my clients, friends and family, but most importantly myself. Through-out the years I have created two habits that make this possible, meditation & writing. 

Meditation, as stated by the Chopra Center "is a simple yet powerful tool that will take you to a state of profound relaxation, dissolve fatigue and accumulated stress, and renew your creativity and passion for life. By its very nature, meditation calms the mind, and when the mind is in a state of restful awareness, the body relaxes, too."

I hope I don't lose you now if you are thinking this is only for Yogi's or New - Age thinking individuals. Meditation is for everyone and anyone! And the best part, you can have results even by meditating if only for a few minute a day! Meditating is my first daily non-negotiable. This is something that is just as important to my morning routine as brushing my teeth. If I know I have an early start the next day, I will rise 15 minutes earlier. For me, it centers my mind, calms my heart and sets my intentions for the day. Whatever is on my mind that morning that may have me feeling anxious or fearful, I spend 15-20 minutes meditating on it. I take this time to hand it over to God, Universe, Energy, Source and trust that it is all being taken care of. 

Photo courtesy of  Chopra Center

Photo courtesy of Chopra Center

Before I committed to making meditation one of my non-negotiable's, I would dabble here and there with it. Sometimes I would dedicate a few weeks meditating and then find a reason to not partake one morning and then months would go by with no intention of meditating. That's when I would take notice that my anxiety is strong and constant, my self-defeating thoughts are rampant and my over-all feelings of being centered and balanced are non-existent. Over the years I have been able to recognize what makes me feel good inside and out and what no longer serves my mind and body well. Meditation for me, like prayer is something that truly connects me closer to Source. And when I am closer to Source, is where the calmness exists, and the answers are found. 

I invite you to try meditating along with me, even if its only for a few minutes a day. Upon rising, carve out 5 minutes for yourself where you can quietly rest with no distractions. Sit in a relaxed position, with your back straight and your hands resting in your lap. Choose a mantra for how you would like to feel that day. Here are a few of my favorites:

  • My mind is calm
  • I am at peace
  • I am healthy mentally, physically and emotionally
  • I am guided to all my answers
  • I am strong, powerful and courageous

If you are a beginner to meditation, there are so many useful FREE resources online for guided meditations. One of my favorites that I am partaking in currently is the 21 Day Meditation Experience, Getting Unstuck. This is a 21 day guided meditation to help you become unstuck and create a limitless life. Sounds good, doesn't it? 

I speak from experience when I say this practice has changed my mind, my thoughts, my life. With all the noise in today's world, it's reassuring to know that each morning I will gift myself the chance to reconnect, realign and come back to center and I wish the same for all of you. If you have any questions regarding a meditation practice, please feel free to email me or comment below. Let's all become the greatest version of ourselves together! 

Stay tuned for my second non-negotiable, it will have lots of good tips on how to over-come those self limiting beliefs. Don't want to miss out, make sure you are signed up for my newsletter below. Let's take this journey together! 

 

 

 

 

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